Thursday, February 12, 2004

of datelessness, alter-egos, and blank resumes 



hello angel, this is your alter-ego. i would just like to remind you that you are now a college junior. you have to find a practicum place for the summer, in preparation for your dealings with the work force next year. you now have to be responsible, disciplined and mature, everything that is so not you right now.

by the way, screw love, it's not coming any time soon.


so goes my responsible self. argh. i hate her. she always makes her presence felt at the most inconvenient times (read: 2 days before valentine's day). i know, i know, i really should be focusing on my future (or the lack of it), but hey, can't a girl dream of receiving flowers on this uber-commercialist holiday? well, i didn't exactly have plans for saturday, but i'm still leaving it empty in hopes of snagging a last minute invitation. *hint, hint!*

so back to my futureless future. i was never the academic type. i'm not one of the people who actually had excellent grades in high school, that's why it still amazes me how i got into ateneo for college. i had okay grades in highschool, with occassional high ones (english and home ed) and the more common so-so ones (math, what else).

but in college, i got an even more dizzying range of grades. grades for lit and writing were mediocre, science grades were up (astonishingly), math was okay, and theo and philo were... uh, bad. it never really occured to me that i should seriously take my studies and grades SERIOUSLY, hence the yo-yo grades. but alas, three years have come by and all i have to prove my worth and eligibility is my resume and my transcript.

work-related experience: none. volunteer work: none. academic citations: none. worth: none?

if my entire eligibility to land a spot in the work force (well, actually its more like the "practicum force" only) could be summed up in a 1-page, single-spaced, Arial size 11 format resume, does this prove that my apathetic attitude towards my studies has turned my life pathetic? but are grades the proper gauge for a person's worth? don't interpersonal skills like "positive disposition" and "team-player" matter anymore?

god i hope not. this would be the end of me.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

that's it? 

i've been trying to practice self control the whole day by not texting him. okay, so i'm not exactly a guru of self-denial... i ended up texting him twice. and poor me, i didn't even get a "K" or a smiley face.

then at 10:32, i could no longer help it, i ended up calling him.

me: hi
him: hey what's up?
me: busy?
him: yeah drafting the proposal for tomorrow
me: oh okay
him: so, why'd you call?
me: uhm, nothing...
him: you miss me na noh?
me: well, yeah i think so
him: really? how much?
me: well just a little
him: little lang?
me: okay, so maybe a little more than a little
him: haha, okay
me: so there, that's all
him: okay, good night
me: night

that was it. 53 seconds of him. no reassuring words from him, no pa-cutesys, no nothing. argh...

sulk, sulk, sulk.

mope, mope, mope.

sniff, sniff, sniff.

i hate guys.

i hate guys i like.

i like him?

i like him.

i like him!

i love him, i love him not 

darndest of the darndest days. he still hasn't texted me yet, and i'm getting all stressed about it.

why hasn't he texted me? we were fine last night, i wonder went wrong. it bugs the hell out of me, and it bugs the hell out of me that it bugs the hell out of me (follow?).


i think i seriously like him and this isn't right.


Monday, February 09, 2004

horsoscopes: take it or leave it? 

i've always been fond of reading my horoscope. i find them amusing sometimes, especially when they match what happened to me throughout the course of the day. i programmed by phone so that it delivers my horoscope everyday, and today at 7:40 am, it delivered one of the craziest reports ever.

CAPRICORN: The magical feeling that you have is what is called love. Don't be afraid when you feel this. Make sure you do have a background check on your love interest before committing.

say what?! me, inlove? well there has been an undoubtable sick feeling in my stomach since saturday morning, and i seriously doubt that its just the chili con carne i ate. me? in-love? but with who?

see, i like three guys now. mickey, bellie and jacob. they are all equally amazing, but mickey takes the lead because among the three, he's the only one i do talk to. hehe.

mickey is a delight. he's funny, witty, sarcastic in a cute way, and cynical too. i think he's very much like me, and that's what makes him interesting. he's malambing and cariƱoso, and never ashamed to show signs of affection in public. ahh, my kind of guy! hehe.

then there's bellie. he's also from school, and i've had a crush on him since freshman year. aside from his ex-girlfriend, apparently, i'm the only one who finds him cute. bellie's tall and kinda macho, but that's about as far as i can describe him. oh, oh! he has pala the most intense looking eyes i've ever seen, although they're almost always hidden behind eyeglasses. going back to his intense eyes, i often find myself wondering about his sex and post-sex look. damn, he must be really hot! :p

and then theres jacob. the artist, the rocker. he's always intense, not once breaking from "character," but his bright puppy dog eyes and hearty laughter always gives him away. he love starbucks coffee and can't get through the day without some. jacob is my ultimate sex candy. with his long curly locks and fit body, he makes me just wanna come up to him and say: "excuse me, hi, i think ur hot. wanna make-out?" hehe.

i know i sound like a teen-age girl getting all hyper about her crushes or a sex maniac obviously running dry. sorry! i just couldn't help it.

could i be inlove? with any of them? is there any truth to my horoscope or is my cynicism/romanticism killing it off at its roots? beats me meng, im stumped.

work hard, play harder 

i've been under a lot of motha-fuckin shit lately that i've been spending the last couple of saturdays romancing either my bed, my books, or the computer. it sounds uberly-geeky, i know, but sometimes shit comes by the truckload. it's been a long, long while since pareng miguel (not de jesus, damnit! the beer!) and i had some lovin going on between us, and truth be told, i miss him more than anyone or anything else. the separation anxiety i've been experiencing due to miguel's absence is far worse than the anxiety i felt when my ex and i broke up. desire as i may, i can't naman just drink miguel anywhere and anytime. i could, but i won't. quality time with miguel requires perfect timing, comfy shoes, trippy sounds, good shit, and broken-hearted friends on good shit. (hey zig!) thank god for parties loaded with beer and shiny, happy people holding hands, coz this is exactly what we had last saturday.

my five friends and i threw a super-party last february 7, to celebrate our birthdays. guys, you have to admit, it was a friggin blast! around 150 people came, and everyone was enjoying. good vibes flowed, since almost everyone knew each other anyway. amidst the tunes of franco's "whole night" cd were the contagious laughter and lively banter of drunk friends, all saoking in (literally) the booze. energy was high, spirits were high, and people too, were high. hehe. last time i had this much fun was new year's day at ponti. hello, that was five weeks ago!!!

so back to the party. i'm positive that everyone had as much fun as i did. people had so much fun because our party gave them the chance to break away from school and all its demands. the party enabled them to relax, to just have a gay old time. i wish i'd be able to party hearty more often. but if so, it may probably lose its "sanctity."

anyway, to all those who came to (not at) my party, thank you for making it one helluva night. :)

to those who did not go, FUCK YOU ALL. haha.

***special thanks to jamie, pam, franco, jp and justin, my hard-working co-celebrants. good job you guys! next year ulit! :p

Thursday, February 05, 2004

im happy to tell you that good samaritans still do exist. :)

it was around 8pm, and traffic was bulding up fast. my mom had fetched me from starbucks katipunan, and we were on our way home. the crawl up the fly-over going to marikina was painfully slow, with jeeps and taxis squeezing through the tiniest of spaces in between vehicles. upon reaching the other end of the flyover, traffic stood still. i was uberly-bummed to see the long stretch of cars, blinking yellow traffic lights, and zigzagging motorcycles. i sighed and eased myself lower into the seat. i then reverted my eyes to an old man on the sidewalk. he was old, maybe in his 60's or early seventies. he was wearing a white shirt, white shorts, a white cap and ruber slippers.

on his sides were two metal crutches.

the old man's legs were deformed, caved towards each other, and the soles of his feet were turned upwards. walking was obviously difficult--each step must have been excruciating. with the help of crutches, the old man wobbled off the sidewalk and onto the street. it took the old man a few minutes to cross one vehicle lane. three more would have gotten him to the other side. the man paused, as if to breathe and rest for a while. just then, the cars started moving, so the old man got trapped in between lanes. then a young man of about 25 came out of nowhere to assist the old man. the young man stayed on the danger side, and signalled cars to stop. most cars did, probably awed by the immense parade of compassion shown by the young man to the older one.

its so rare to see such acts nowadays that i get tinglies all over when i see this. compassion goes a long way, baby! :)

i find it amusing, to some extent, how wide-spread horny people are over the internet. i tried my hand at chatting again recently, and the reactions and private messages have been nothing short of borderline cuckoo... here are some examples:

guy: hey!
me: hey, asl? ctc?
guy: no, but id love to fuck you

(okay, so much for getting to know each other!)

guy: miss, you wanna try phone sex with me?
me: uhm, no, im not into those things...
guy: oh. so you've never stuck a phone up your pussy?
me: hell no!
guy: oh.

(bet you've stuck a phone up your ass though. seems to me like it has been there since.)

me: hey asl?
guy: whats your vitals?
me: huh?
guy: okay, never mind it doesnt matter.
me: okay great then. :)
guy: but do you have pink nipples? i dont like brown nipples kasi...

(huwaw! my god! )

funny as these may seem, it all seems a little disgusting when you consider the fact that:

1) some people actually say yes to these nex(net-sex)-sayers
2) people do stick other things up their pussies aside from cocks and dildos (cellphones?!)
3) there is the rise in the proliferation, kind, and frequency of sex among college students.

oh well. this is all i can say:


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